Self-Sacrificing in Love
I was recently asked to officiate a wedding and what a blessing it was. Not only the experience of officiating the wedding was a blessing but also the time spent preparing for the wedding day was a gift. The time spent preparing was time spent reflecting and contemplating those things that make marriage work and make marriage wonderful.
One of the things I focused on was the call for us to love our spouse out of obedience to the Lord, not because our spouse has earned it. If earning it were the case, it would only be a matter of time until our spouse and/or ourselves would be unlovable. Colossians 3:23-24 urges the believer to do all things as if you are doing them for the Lord. This includes loving each other, as a married couple should. If you are or have been married for some time now, you know loving another human being is not always easy.
In order to love the way God calls us to love we have to be willing to sacrifice our wants for the benefit of our significant other. If love is a choice, I want to make it an easy choice for my spouse to continue to choose to love me. There are days, as a counselor here at Rocky Mountain Neurotherapy and Counseling, when it feels like I have used up my ten thousand words per day by noon. When I get home; however, I have to be willing to engage with my wife because it is what she needs. Sometimes, it’s been a long day, a rough week, or I just don’t feel good. That is not a green light to be short or impatient with my spouse; I do not treat my spouse based on how I feel. I treat my spouse in a way God calls me to treat her.
I know we will not do this perfectly but that does not mean we should not try. Remember love is a choice, so why make it a difficult choice for our spouse, or anyone for that matter, to love us. We want to be loved, right? Too many couples make it a difficult choice to stay in love because they go about it the wrong way. Too many couples want their own, individual needs met before they are willing to meet the needs of their significant other and it becomes a standoff. Generally, I call these people right-fighters. They are more interested in being right than they are being relational. “What have you done for me lately,” is their motto and, unfortunately, they say it right to divorce court.
A difficult or even a bad marriage can begin to heal when each spouse is willing to be self-accountable. When you have two people who look at the negativity THEY add to the relationship and are willing to fix it, a relationship can begin to change almost immediately. In many relationships there is unresolved hurt, forgiveness needs to be given and asked for, and compromise needs to be made. Love and acceptance usually need to come first and a safe environment between spouses leads to vulnerability and healing. Vulnerability and healing do not take place on a battleground.
At Rocky Mountain Neurotherapy and Counseling, we work with couples everyday to get them through the process of forgiveness, healing from hurts, and getting to a place where they feel safe being vulnerable with each other again. Many times marriage is a place of great hurt and disappointment but it does not have to be that way. Marriage, a gift from God, can be THE place of joy, companionship, love, and encouragement. Officiating a wedding was a great reminder of the promise of marriage. It takes work to keep it there but the work is the most rewarding work a couple will ever do when done right.
Rocky Mountain Neurotherapy & Counseling is located in Loveland, Colorado. We specialize in counseling, LENS treatments & helping you feel like yourself again. We hope you enjoyed our blog post above and welcome you to reach out with any questions or to see how we can help you.